


Error 404 (Twenty-Five More Things That Never Happened If Arashi Were in Fandom)

by panpipe



Series: Fandom AU [1]
Category: Arashi (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-23
Updated: 2008-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-13 03:45:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/132477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panpipe/pseuds/panpipe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one is quite sure why MatsuJun and Aiba are friends, Nino is a creepy stalker, and Sho is stressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Error 404 (Twenty-Five More Things That Never Happened If Arashi Were in Fandom)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unrequitedangst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrequitedangst/gifts).



> Originally posted [here](http://panpipe.livejournal.com/80668.html?#cutid1) as a prequel to [Database Unavailable](http://unrequitedangst.livejournal.com/241604.html) by [unrequitedangst](http://archiveofourown.org/users/unrequitedangst/).

_01._

Jun has been in fandom for a long time--he barely remembers how he got here. He's talented and he's hot and he's not afraid to post pictures of himself on his LiveJournal, so he rose to BNF status pretty quickly.

He likes things that way.

But sometimes, he watches some of the smaller people in fandom--the little people, if you will--the really plebey ones that comment to his fic and shower him with compliments (because who cares about those idiots who don't like what he does, except for that Jin kid because he's annoying and easy to make fun of, but that's really off topic and he's an idiot anyway and--), and well.

Sometimes he wonders what it would be like. To not be the Great and Powerful and Bitchily Hilarious MatsuJun. To have friends that didn't care if he wrote something moving or a commentary on gay roles in popular fiction or anything like that.

To have friends who wanted him for (and there's no less trite way of saying this, Jun thinks petulantly) ... _him_.

 

 _02._

Jun is thinking about all of this, and being sentimental, and _really_ , that is the only reason he even _entertains_ the idea of adding Aiba back.

Jun isn't sure how to describe Aiba, except, he really does. Aiba is the antithesis of Jun. He is everything Jun is not. Where Jun is snobby and types with perfect grammar--even in IM--Aiba acts as though nobody is watching him and says things like, "LOL" and "rOFL" (typos and all) without the slightest embarrassment.

Jun hates people like Aiba, and this is why he has a friendslist of 20 and a friends of list of 700. He's a busy man and he doesn't have the _time_ to waste on insignificant people posting about insignificant things, and besides, he'd rather not have to deal with all the hordes of screaming fanboys and their insane _omg takky ILU ♥ when r u going to update ur fic?_ when Takki is writing about the weather forecast for the week.

Aiba's first post after friending Jun just says "GUACAMOLE FJQ(J(W#J#J@#()*^".

 

Jun begins to wonder how long is long enough to wait before defriending him.

 

 _03._

Jun doesn't mean to add Aiba to messenger, but that's the problem with AIM--you don't need to add someone in order for them to see if you're online or not.

"did u see th last ep of _makng the band_ ," Aiba types excitedly.

(Well, Jun _thinks_ he's typing excitedly. He hopes. Surely that's the only way someone could make so many idiotic typing mistakes--) Oh hell, Jun thinks, it doesn't matter how many typos he's made or what an idiot he is, _he likes trashy reality shows_ and that's all that matters.

 

 _04._

It takes exactly four weeks before Aiba begins calling MatsuJun his best friend in his LJ updates.

All over fandom, people are holding their breath, waiting for MatsuJun to deny everything and defriend Aiba in a fit of drama queen rage, but instead, he leaves a simple comment:

"♥!!"

The world really isn't sure what to make of it.

 

 _05._

MatsuJun's friendslist is exactly 21 people, and Aiba says that 21 isn't a very friendly number. "It's a mean number," he says on the phone one night. (Aiba had demanded MatsuJun's phone number exactly a week ago, which was exactly seven weeks after he declared the two of them BFF 4 lyfe.)

"What do you mean," MatsuJun replies, irritably.

Aiba either doesn't notice the irritation in his voice, or assumes that he is immune to MatsuJun's temper tantrums now (He is.) because he continues. "No, seriously. It just looks angry."

"I don't need anyone else on my flist, Aiba."

"Okay. Look, I'm sort of busy right now so I'm going to have to hang up."

 

 _06._

MatsuJun friends Ohno first. It happens right after Aiba's phone call, when Ohno comments to MatsuJun's latest post about the insight male fashion gives to the character dynamics in Buffy the Vampire Slayer with "hi aiba sent me here".

MatsuJun doesn't mind adding Ohno back, though, because Ohno is a respected fanartist. It's supposed to be a secret that is actually but it's just one of those fandom secrets; the ones where only those in the in crowd know what's going on but it eventually gets out and is secretly whispered in chat to everyone in the universe.

 

MatsuJun adds Ohno to messenger, because he's always really admired Ohno. Ohno's got style, and he really knows who he is. That's something MatsuJun can appreciate. However, when MatsuJun IMs Ohno, he replies with, "huh? who are u".

MatsuJun thinks that maybe he just doesn't associate this screenname with his LJ username, so he types, "It's MatsuJun."

"who"

"We just added each other yesterday ..."

"oh so that's why aiba wanted my pw"

 

MatsuJun defriends Aiba.

 

 _07._

Aiba floods MatsuJun's inbox with touching lines of O-Town fic, and even though MatsuJun finds RPS kind of creepy, he can't help but find the gesture strangely sweet. He refriends Aiba, and at Aiba's urging, adds Nino as well.

 

 _08._

Nino's LJ is friendslocked, so MatsuJun didn't know what he was getting into. All he knew was that Nino had made some decently bitchy comments to and he wasn't a _complete_ unknown.

 

Nino's entire LJ is filled with rants about video games.

 

 _09._

Actually talking to Nino isn't too bad, though. Yeah, he mentions the games he's playing a lot, but Nino and MatsuJun have pretty similar personalities. Nino was actually Aiba's BFF before MatsuJun came along--MatsuJun sort of feels guilty about that, because he figures Nino must be all alone now, but Aiba assures him things aren't like that.

"no his bff is that econmics dude u should friend him hes not 2 bad"

MatsuJun doesn't trust Aiba's idea of "not 2 bad", but when Aiba insists that he shouldn't stay at an flist of 24 when he could have an flist of _25_ , MatsuJun ends up friending him anyway.

All Sho does is update about his thesis on the economics of fandom.

 

 _10._

Sho also has the (very) annoying habit of posting five times in one day whenever he is stressed. Considering the fact that he's taking a 19 credit hour course load, in addition to working part time on campus, and also being a tutor, _and_ writing a thesis, Sho is stressed _a lot_.

MatsuJun defriends him every time he posts more than three times a day.

 

 _11._

As Sho's graduation date approaches, Aiba starts inviting all five of them to group chats. It's the first time Sho and MatsuJun have spoken, so MatsuJun expects that to be the most awkward part.

Instead, the most awkward part is that after five minutes of silence in response to something Ohno has said, Nino IMs MatsuJun frantically.

"SHO IS NO HELP AT ALL," he types. "WHAT DO I SAY TO OH-CHAN."

MatsuJun looks back at the chat window; Ohno said something about the weather. "Why don't you just describe what the weather is like in Edogawa?"

"NO I HAVE TO STAND OUT I CAN'T DO SMTH SO BANAL"

"Mention a Beatles song, I don't know."

 

 _12._

Within three days, Nino has fully immersed himself in Beatles fandom, and is even now helping Ohno with the scripts for .

Ohno still confuses him with Sho.

 

 _13._

Sho's graduation coincides with the release of the first Harry Potter movie, Aiba's latest fandom since having moved on from O-Town.

"WE HAVE 2 DRESS UP," he says. "LET'S ALL MEET UP AND GO 2GETHER. AND TAKE THIS SORTING HAT QUIZ SO I CAN NO WICH HOUSE COLORS I SHULD MAKE UR SCARVES".

MatsuJun grudgingly takes the quiz. "What the shit, I got Hufflepuff," MatsuJun tells Nino later that night. "This quiz is messed up."

"inorite," Nino types back. "it put me in slytherin lsh"

MatsuJun thinks about the careful planning Nino has put into becoming close to Ohno, and thinks about what he knows about Slytherin, and then tactfully says nothing.

 

 _14._

The meetup goes pretty well, actually. MatsuJun only wants to stab Sho at _one_ point during the day, and _only_ wants to strangle Aiba three times--which is completely normal when dealing with Aiba, MatsuJun thinks.

MatsuJun is eating dinner when he hears the frantic pinging of multiple IMs.

"AIBA POSTED PICTURES," Sho has typed four times. "PEOPLE WILL FIGURE OUT WHO WE ARE."

MatsuJun posts pictures all the time on his LJ, so it's not the thought of his face appearing in connection with his LJ that freaks him out.

It's the thought of him in a completed, fully accessorized Hufflepuff costume.

MatsuJun sends Aiba an angry email about how he has betrayed their friendship, and then promptly defriends him.

 

 _15._

Aiba and MatsuJun stay defriended for three months. During the interim, MatsuJun and Ryo start talking on IM for the first time in the three years they've had each other friended. Neither one remembers how they ended up on each other's flists, but they're both bitchy and really, that's all that matters.

"He was always getting excited over the stupidest things," MatsuJun tells Ryo one day, without mentioning Aiba's name. "Like, who cares if Harry smiled at Hermione?"

"i know," Ryo types back. "my friend was always telling me about the fact that sailor moon had just upgraded her henshin, whatever the fuck that is. do i look like i care?"

"Oh, a henshin is--" MatsuJun starts typing, because he reads up on the current wank all the time, and a recent one about Sailor Moon involved that.

"i know what a fucking henshin is," Ryo says. "it's sailor moon's transformation, dumbass." He promptly blocks MatsuJun.

 

 _16._

It's the second month of The Great Defriending, as Nino has taken to calling it, and MatsuJun decides to go visit Ryo. Ryo lives in Osaka, so it's kind of a hassle, but when MatsuJun thinks about posting pictures of the two of them together and knowing that Aiba is stalking his LJ (his journal is, after all, littered with trackers from ljtoys), he just can't resist.

 _That_ will teach Aiba to do stupid things like post pictures of MatsuJun in a ridiculous costume.

 

Ryo spends the entire day talking about Uchi, and how Uchi won't talk to him or return his calls and really, he doesn't think calling Sailor Chibi Moon _gay_ is any different from calling _Sailor Moon_ gay, but apparently Uchi thinks so.

MatsuJun decides that maybe it's better if Ryo just stays an internet friend. You can't block people in RL.

 

(MatsuJun tries not to think about the fact that all he talked about was Aiba.)

 

 _17._

Two days later, MatsuJun IMs Aiba. "I can't believe I spent an entire day listening to Ryo bitch about Chibi Usa."

"ryo likes sailormoon???"

"No, his friend does. I guess they were in a fight or something."

"was it uchi? they were mentioned on that last anon meme as being canon, remember"

MatsuJun remembers. It was the same thread where he and Aiba were overwhelmingly voted as the most canon pairing on LJ, the first time they had ever beaten Jin and Kame. MatsuJun had tried not to think about the funny things it did to his insides.

(It was also the meme where Sho/economics came in third place for most popular pairing, and Ohno/Nino had been mentioned for the first time. MatsuJun had spent two hours on the phone that night with a very drunk Nino, who wouldn't stop talking about it. "MAYBE THIS MEANS OHNO LIKES ME MORE THAN I THINK," he'd slurred. "SHOULD I GO OVER TO HIS HOUSE TONIGHT? I KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE, BUT SURELY HE WON'T MIND NOW THAT WE'RE CANON, RIGHT? RIGHT?")

"Oh, right," MatsuJun types. His hand hovers over the keyboard for a few seconds, debating if he should say more, and then he signs offline.

 

 _18._

MatsuJun IMs Aiba a week later. "Ryo won't stop talking about Uchi. Save me from this madness."

"let's set them up!!!!"

MatsuJun wavers between saying, "Don't be retarded" and "That's a pretty good idea." In the end, he signs off messenger, and then sends Aiba an email with only the words, "OK."

(He also adds Aiba back on LJ, but seriously, why is this such a big deal to everyone? He's gotten like, 30 emails about it in the last _hour_. Everyone needs to get a fucking life.)

 

 _19._

They try three different things to set up Ryo and Uchi, and each fails miserably. MatsuJun tries to get into contact with one of their friends in the area, Ohkura, to help them out, but Ohkura never responds. They try messaging Subaru next, but all he sends in response is "O________O". They don't try to contact anyone else.

"u should talk 2 uchi," Aiba suggests for their next attempt. "tell him how grate ryo is".

When MatsuJun attempts this, "Why don't _you_ date Ryo?" is all MatsuJun gets in response. (Well, Uchi also says, "I thought you were dating that idiot Aiba-chan, anyway" but the thought of dating Aiba is starting to sound too appealing, and so he pretends it didn't happen.)

Their next plan is to set up a blind date for the two of them.

Ryo defriends MatsuJun the next day. MatsuJun gives up.

 

 _20._

"i think we shuld hang out 2gether more oftne," Aiba says in chat one day. "do u guyz want 2 help me w/ an experiment i have 2 do for my chemistry class?"

Aiba doesn't normally talk about his life, despite being the plebeyist, most retarded person on the internet, so when they arrive at his house in Chiba, they're all surprised to find that this isn't some high school level chemistry project--Aiba is, apparently, studying to be a biochemist.

"He has top marks," his mother tells them proudly as she hands them food. MatsuJun is inclined to believe she's lying, but then Nino tells him it's probably true--Aiba had actually been accepted into one of the top universities in Tokyo, but had opted to go to a lesser school that was closer to home. It wouldn't be too surprising if he had top marks at this school, since he was skilled enough to get into Toudai.

MatsuJun isn't sure what to make of this new information, but then Aiba brings out his digital camera and says, "LET'S FILM IT, GUYS, WE CAN PUT IT ON YOUTUBE LATER."

 

Sho wears a bag on his head whenever the camera is rolling.

 

 _21._

The YouTube filmings become a weekly thing, as Aiba comes up with video ideas that get progressively more dangerous and insane.

Nino shows up one week wearing a Lord of the Rings T-shirt (his latest fandom), and hands a matching one to Ohno, who wears it without question. As MatsuJun is gathering his things together to leave after the filming, he overhears Ohno and Nino talking.

"Why am I wearing a shirt with a man dying on it?" Ohno asks very seriously. Even though Ohno and Nino aren't officially going out or anything, and even though Ohno still forgets most of the details of Nino's life, like when his birthday is and what's his major, Ohno at least doesn't confuse Sho with Nino anymore, and most importantly, there's some strange sort of connection when the two are together in person. Nino will sit in Ohno's lap, or lean his head on his shoulder, and Ohno--well, it isn't that he doesn't do anything or doesn't mind, because Ohno doesn't mind a lot of things, and MatsuJun's pretty sure that if he gave Ohno a lapdance, Ohno would go with the flow and not overthink it--or even think about it at all. No, the real wonder is that Ohno _responds_ , and will play with Nino's hair or massage his neck or--well. MatsuJun finds it all disgusting really.

Anyway, Ohno is always surprisingly earnest when he talks to Nino. MatsuJun is only slightly jealous. Okay, he's really a lot jealous, because he still thinks Ohno's pretty cool by fandom standards.

Nino, who has up until this point been starry-eyed over the fact that Ohno, _his Ohno_ , was wearing a matching T-shirt in a YouTube video that thousands of fandomers will watch and therefore know that Ohno is _his_ (despite the fact that Ohno hasn't realized this yet), suddenly has an expression close to despair. "It's not a man," he says softly, as though he wants to scream and shout and be angry but he can't, because this is Ohno. "It's an orc."

"Oh," Ohno says. He thinks about this for a second. MatsuJun stops packing up his bag ("You mean your manpurse," Nino said last week. "IT'S NOT A MAN PURSE," MatsuJun shouted back. "IT'S VERY FASHIONABLE." "Whatever it's totally a murse," Nino had replied.) and waits to hear what will happen next.

"What's the difference?" Ohno asks seriously.

Nino's at a loss for words. But, when he finds them, he can't stop talking, launching into a detailed explanation of the many differences between a human and an orc.

Sho has finally taken the paper bag off of his head and sets it on the table slowly, muttering, "I can't believe you fuckers think _I'm_ the boring one."

MatsuJun stares at him. "Your last LJ post focused entirely on why the GDP is now considered a better indicator of economic activity than the GNP. I'd much rather be lectured on orcs." With that, he swings his murse--his bag, HIS BAG--over his shoulder, and stomps out the door.

Really, he doesn't know why he's friends with these freaks.

 

 _22._

Okay, he does know why he's friends with these freaks. He's friends with them because, despite all odds, despite all reason, he really likes Aiba, and Aiba really likes these freaks.

But lately, he's started to wonder if he likes Aiba a little too much. They'd gone out for a casual meetup at Starbucks, and when Aiba's hand had accidentally brushed across his, well. He'd felt it, more than he would have liked to have felt it.

That hasn't happened to him since he dated Inoue Mao in high school.

MatsuJun decides not to think about it. After all, he has a fic fest deadline to finish, and if he starts thinking about Aiba, he'll never stop. He figures that's probably an indicator that he's at least a little in love with Aiba, but he also figures that he's allowed to be in denial for a little while longer.

Besides, he's never ever missed a deadline before, and he's not going to start now because of _Aiba_ , of all people.

(Despite his good intentions, he misses the deadline by a week, and the only thing that's sorted out about his feelings is that he is dangerously close to becoming as obsessed with Aiba as Nino is with Ohno.)

 

 _23._

"MatsuJun," Aiba says on the phone one night--and MatsuJun's not sure when their friendship changed from mostly online to mostly interactions in RL, but all he knows is that now Aiba calls him every day at least once, whether it's during a lunch break or at three in the morning.

(MatsuJun never once calls him back, but this sort of thing doesn't stop Aiba, or even trouble him at all.)

"MatsuJun. MatsuJunMatsuJunMatsuJunMatsu--"

"What is it, Aiba?"

"I think I like you!"

MatsuJun chokes on the apple he's having for lunch.

"Like, really like you! Like, I'd be okay with it if you wanted to suck my--"

 

MatsuJun chokes again, sparking a coughing fit, and hangs up the phone without responding.

 

 _24._

MatsuJun ignores Aiba's calls for the rest of the week, and goes out drinking that weekend with Ryo, who happens to be in town for a few days.

"He keeps sending me emails," MatsuJun says, his words slurring a bit as he talks. "Even though I don't respond to his calls, he keeps sending me emails of things he'd like to try with me. I don't think my sanity can take much more."

Ryo stares at him. "What's the problem? Why don't you just go over to his house and"--here is where his voice turns sarcastic--"oh, geez, I don't know... _let him_."

"But it's _Aiba_. I met him on the internet-- He could be some sort of psycho-- Hell, he _is_ a psychopath and--"

"Yeah, and the last time we went out drinking, you spent the entire time talking about him. Just accept it, move on with your life, and spare us all your girly emo angst."

MatsuJun's eyes narrow. " _You_ spent all your time talking about Uchi. I don't think you have room to talk."

Ryo simply smirks, looking very satisfied with himself, and sips his drink.

"Oh," Jun says, " _oh_ ," and drinks himself into oblivion.

 

 _25._

Three days later, he finally sends Aiba an email that simply reads: "I think I like you too."

Aiba replies with "grat!" and a link to a sex toy website.

MatsuJun replies: "I take it back >:["


End file.
